There is an old saying that says "It takes a village to raise a child". I guess I had always thought that was kind of a funny saying, because I had never lived in a village and it seemed to only take my parents to raise me. In my world, a child was raised by Mom and Dad, spoiled by grandparents, unspoiled by siblings, and maybe throw a babysitter in, every now and then, for some variety. I didn't know about the whole "village" thing. After living in an African village, I now know the truth in that statement. It really does take a village to raise a child, at least in that culture.
I have recently been hired by a very nice family in south Minneapolis to be a nanny for the two children. Though I have only just finished my second week, I have already experienced many insights into what it takes to raise a child. And I got to thinking about how different it is to raise a child in America than in Senegal. I don't want to say which one is better, not having children of my own, it is hard for me to say what is the best way to raise a child. I can, however, offer some insight into two very different cultures and how they raise their offspring.
Let me start by telling you about an experience I had the other week. My friend Annemarie needed to go to Babies'R'Us to purchase a gift for her boyfriend's mother who is expecting another child. I offered to give her a ride, and so there I found myself walking in to the local Babies'R'Us. As the automatic doors slid open, I was overwhelmed by the sight in front of me. A warehouse sized building filled to the brim with everything and anything you could imagine someone, somewhere would use for their baby. We started in the clothes and wound our way through racks and racks of baby clothes, of all shapes, sizes, and colors. After finding some cute gender-neutral, all-purpose outfits, we moved on through toys, sheets, furniture, diapers, eating things, and strollers. We passed by aisle and aisle and aisle of products being marketed to parents, things screaming "Buy me! Buy me! You NEED me to raise your child". And then we got to the pacifiers (also affectionately called "nuks"). It was a wall of pacifiers; different brands, sizes, functions, colors...We found one that we liked, and then realized that there were specific ones for 0-6 months or 6-12 months, and so we had to decide if we wanted to get one that would be useful right away, or later down the road. A lot of thought went into which one we should get, probably too much thought. As we were walking through, I kept on seeing things that could be found in the house of the family I nanny for. An electric swing for the baby (put the kid in, press a button and it starts swinging with lights and music and everything), diaper wipes, a diaper wipe warmer, bottles, a bottle warmer, a decked out high chair, bibs, toys toys toys. In fact, the first time I went to the house in which I work, my first impression was "Yep, there are definitely kids living here". Toys scattered here and there, infant car seat by the door, high chair by the table, baby bouncer/walker thing by the tv, these are all things that have been well-established in this household since the oldest was born. My days at work, are filled with STUFF. When I play with the three-year old, there is an unknown amount of play things that can (and do) appear from all corners of the house. So many things to occupy her time. And then for the baby, there are toys and bottles and bibs and things things things. All things that seem so necessary. To raise a child in America, you need a lot of stuff. And a schedule. The baby follows a pretty tight schedule that goes something like this: Eat, play, sleep, repeat. It cycles about every three hours or so. I have been commissioned to do "tummy time" with him, so that he develops his neck muscles nicely, and must put him on a certain side when he goes in his crib so as to even out the "flat spots" on his head. For the toddler, the day is activity after activity, so many things to stimulate her mind and keep her happy. When we leave the house, the baby goes in a stroller or car seat, and I have to have two eyes on both of them at all times. I am the only one there for these children while I am at work. I am being paid to help raise these kids.
When I was in my village, I lived with a four year old, a one year old, and a 6 month old. Well, I technically only lived with the four year old, but the others were over enough for it to feel like I lived with them. None of them had toys, strollers, high chairs, nothing. Diapers were all cloth, and no diaper wipes. No special baby food either. Babies are breastfed, and once they have any semblance of teeth, they are introduced to rice, and start eating what everyone else does. No cribs, they just slept in regular beds, in the middle of the bed, but regular beds nonetheless. They ate when they were hungry, and slept when they were tired. There were no swings or walkers, so if mom couldn't hold baby, someone (anyone) else would do it. These babies were passed from person to person, whoever was there and capable. If mom had to go to the market or whatever, she would either strap baby to her back (with nothing more that a piece of cloth), or give the baby to someone at home to watch. Children old enough to be disciplined, are disciplined by everyone. Children old enough to walk, walk where they want, but there's like an unspoken rule that everyone keeps an eye out for them. There's no such thing as a sippy cup, or pacifier. If the baby cries, it's either hungry, tired, or wet, and you deal with it. You never have to call a babysitter, you just go to your neighbor's house and leave the kid there. The four year old at my house, Staffa, didn't have any parents around, and so he was being raised by EVERYONE. Provided, my host mom was basically in charge of him, and would dictate when bathtime was and so on, everyone had a hand in it. You don't have to worry about letting your kids go out and play, because chances are that wherever they go, there will be some adult there to make sure they don't get into too much trouble. There is such a sense of community and support that parents are never alone. They don't have to hire nannies, or schedule their kids' lives with playdates and stuff. Kids don't have toys and stuff, so they find stimulation elsewhere, and it's proof to me that you don't NEED that much stuff to raise your child properly. Senegalese people grow up just fine, without all that stuff. When I go out with my kids here, I have a diaper bag, a car seat, a snack for the toddler, a bottle for the baby, a toy for the toddler, a toy for the baby, and am basically prepared for all situations. In Senegal, when you go out with your kid, you have them strapped to your back. And that's it.
Now I understand that these are two very different cultures. As much as I would love to, I won't be able to raise my kids as simply as they do in Senegal. I probably won't be able to walk my kid through the backyard to my neighbor's house and just leave him there until I get back. I probably won't be able to get by without car seats, and strollers, and high chairs. But somehow, I think I'll survive without bottle warmers and electric swings. I guess there are two very different classes of thought...In America, we read as many parenting books as we can because we don't want to screw up. In Senegal, you ask your mom, or neighbor. In America, we think that a child is their parent's responsibility and don't want to intervene with discipline or anything because we want to respect that. In Senegal, you know that the child is their parent's responsibility, but you aren't afraid of doing what you think is right for the child. In America, we are so centered around material things, that we think our children need all of those things to keep them busy. In Senegal, you can't afford to buy your kid toys, but it doesn't matter, because no one has that stuff.
Child reering is just one more thing that is done so differently in so many different cultures. An American would think that it's crazy to attach your newborn baby to your back and walk around like that. A Senegalese would think it's crazy that you need this complicated contraption called a stroller in order to take your newborn somewhere. To each his own...
